I know I have not updated in ages.I've been pretty low lately. I have fallen into the big black hole, again. I feel that it is easier to get wasted than actually trying.I don't know, I just don't know anything. I want to get up again and try, but I'm so tired of everything. Was all that a lie? Was it just avoiding everything, not recovery?Who was I kidding?Just pretending, yes. A pretender, an actor, a liar. I hate myself. I hate myself.I'm whining. I'm sorry.